ext_3917 (
mickeyk.livejournal.com
) wrote
in
jjpor
2009-03-01 07:30 am (UTC)
"Last Man Standing"
Good story so far.
“Only if I can call you “Sweetie”,” he shot back. The all had a good laugh about that,
Should be, They all had
Jack joined in the cheers, even though he felt cold inside; the rum didn’t even effect him all that much;
Should be, didn't even affect him
They ended up in one of town’s less reputable watering holes,
Should be, in one of the town's less
Damn, that's a heartbreaking fic. Poor Jack, alone indeed.
You need to write more, focusing on Jack!
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"Last Man Standing"
“Only if I can call you “Sweetie”,” he shot back. The all had a good laugh about that,
Should be, They all had
Jack joined in the cheers, even though he felt cold inside; the rum didn’t even effect him all that much;
Should be, didn't even affect him
They ended up in one of town’s less reputable watering holes,
Should be, in one of the town's less
Damn, that's a heartbreaking fic. Poor Jack, alone indeed.
You need to write more, focusing on Jack!